The above quote pretty much sums up my state of mind for the past two months. The past year, really. From the moment I found out I was pregnant to the moment I held my son in my arms. I never knew my mind could hold so many thoughts at once, but then again, I never knew my heart could hold so much love for a little person I had just met and slowly getting to know.
Let me start from the beginning, for those of you that don't know me. My name is Tasha. I'm 30 years young, and I live in New York City with my boyfriend, Angel.
We've been together for nearly two years, and in October of this year, I gave birth to our beautiful son, Angel Junior, or "A.J." as we like to refer to him...
Becoming a mother is something I never thought would happen for me, for various reasons. I fantasized about it, but never planned for it. I was a bundle of emotions when I found out I was pregnant, as most pregnant women are, I imagine: excited, nervous, happy, calm, tired, anxious, nauseous, and very, very hungry . I was very lucky to have a complication free pregnancy and a complication free birth (which I'll blog about in another entry). But it's so true when they say that being pregnant is the easy part of being a mother. The true work comes is when the baby is born. Each day with my son has been a learning experience, and I look to grow more and more comfortable with my new, lifelong role.
Like most of the mothers I know, I have a full time job I need to return to this month, on Monday, actually. I always thought that by the time I had children, if I had any, I would be a stay at home mom. But after months of thinking, countless discussions with Angel, and lists of pros and cons, I've decided to return to my job after my maternity leave.
Believe me, it's a decision I struggled with. I don't work some high powered job (I'm a customer service rep in a call center), so it wasn't desire to climb the corporate ladder or further a career path. My job is fairly easy and thankfully one I can mentally leave behind after the work day is done, but there's really no growth there. Angel said he would be more than happy to be the sole breadwinner and take care of our bills while I focused completely on taking care of AJ. And as tempting as that was, I had to turn him down. I come from a family of independent working women who didn't rely on their men financially, and I inherited that trait from them. I like being able to earn my own money, and God forbid anything happen to Angel, I have a way to support myself and my son. And finally the obvious...two paychecks are better than one. Me continuing to work allows us to have a bit more with money, and not tighten our belts as much. We're far from wealthy, but my salary enables to come that much closer to the goals we want to accomplish both as a couple and as a family.
This is not to say I don't want to be a SAHM. I would love to spend every minute with my little nugget. But I also want to able to make a living, satisfying my independent and creative needs, and do something I enjoy while being at home with AJ. So I have my hands in several different pots in order to make that happen. I studied art in college, and have been taking the steps to become a full time freelance illustrator. I have a website and blog dedicated to my artistic endeavors. I also sell my original artwork on eBay and I am working on an Etsy store. Basically, my goal is to be able to work from home, to be both a mom and a career artist. And as with becoming a mother, reaching this goal is a learning experience, bound for a lot of ups and downs.
So that's how this blog got started. I aim for it to serve as an outlet for my thoughts on being a new mom, my attempts on finding that ultimate balance, tips and projects I've been picking up along the way, and a place to record my little baby bear's milestones. He is my proudest accomplishment, and what better way to chronicle him as he grows up?
So that's it for now. I'm looking forward to where this little blog can go. Feel free to check out my illustration blog to follow my creative path, browse my website, and of course buy my artwork *smile* Thanks for reading!
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